Some nights the monsters haunt me and others I soar into the heavens yet obediently, I go to bed every night to hug my demons to sleep. To dissolve into them, to dissolve into the taint, to play with the lurching shadows, with the tentacles of darkness hovering above me, dancing above me, reaching out to me, smothering me beautifully, stealthily.. preparing for the next day’s evils.. and forever this cycle.. this schedule goes undisturbed.. and such power this darkness holds.. my imagination runs wild leaving me far behind.. chasing, out of breath collecting fallen off pieces of shallow rivers frozen and rainbow coloured fanatic dreams, scrapes of innocence and wilderness.. but mostly it’s the fears I pick to shut in a jar.. forever.
Some nights it’s the questions, do they miss me? Love me like I love them? Then I provide the answers.. NO. NO. NO. They miss me or love me perhaps.. but in their own way.. more or less.. in their own way.
And somenights I confess to the ones one can’t see how I wish I didn’t exist, how it would be easier if you died. Stopped existing. Somenights I cry myself to sleep, pillow drenched in pain and hurt. Why can’t I go to sleep happy? I anticipate pain.. I feel pain, and when it isn’t there, I long for it. Perhaps, melancholy runs in my blood.
In the end, everyday, it’s me and my melancholia!