So.. While I suffer they tell me it’ll be fine. And it continues. And I’m far from fine and it only gets worse. I’m the one losing sleep, focus and my mind above all. Not they. I decided to get off meds and it feels awful. At least I was beginning to get enough sleep….

Aftermath of losing people

It isnt easy listening to someone you adore blurt out something stupid about you. Something that is far from accurate. It isnt easy when they try to rub it in your face for the mere sake of winning an argument. It isnt easy telling them how you dont want to talk to them anymore. It…

Of life and pain

My relationship with life is of pain. My relationship with God is of pain. My relationship with everything is of pain. When I Prayed? I didnt know God all that much. I had heard about him. yes. From my mother. But when I got to know him, see him, meet him, I could no longer…

The beast

She looked at me in surprise. And then she’s like ‘You have changed. You’re stronger than the last time we talked.’ What do you do? How do you respond? I laughed. And I said I felt stronger. I did. I have indeed. I have realised that I have come to terms with the worst of…


Cant say what makes me cry more, the books I have been reading or my own misery. Maybe both. Understanding a writer, burning in their hells with them is painful . I swear. Life is if anything so much better today. But… There’s and will always be a void.


All your friends tell you it’ll hurt ‘At first’ ‘For a while’ But you an I we both know it’ll hurt forever. I swear I havent eaten or been drinking enough water. I get mad upon little things. I tried eating but the heart says no. I swear I’m barely holding it together.


I often get this urge to take an overdose and see their ashen faces and the look on those faces as my soul flees my body. Why wait to grow old? Get married and divorced and die? Why not now?

Season of the ‘Fall’

Wait until you fall in likeness/love with the biggest jerk on the planet. -,- Nothing feels right. Nothing at all. And I’m taking everyone’s word but his. And I fail to understand the word of my guardians.. I dont even hate him. -,- I like having him.


We too often see through the eyes of other people when we ourselves have the ability to see..

When it stops meaning something you have to stop being there

Crap for crap

Accepting crap for crap. A little hard but… I have to.

Never have I before

Thrown a rose out of a moving car. I paid for it. It waw red and it was beautiful. But I was so mad.. So hurt that it seemed horrible. I threw it out. I regretted it immediately. Because now I can help but wonder, it must have been crushed by the moving tires…