Things I can never feel or have:

The love of a father. I wish I could say it didnt bother me. Sometimes it does. It wasnt easy. Struggling by myself for around 15 years. He wasnt around even when he was around. And later on he just never was. It’s not easing embracing the cold hard facts. It’s not. Loss is loss….


One innocuous cigarette. That’s all it takes. Huh? Before you know it child, it’s your second. Two innocuous cigarettes daily. Two become three. Three become four. Four become five. Five become 10. That’s how it is, sweet child. We’re the creatures of habit. Once it becomes a habit. A routine. It’s hard to rid yourself…

Ghost Town

There’s no getting better, not after someone who is supposed to care for you attempts to end you. More than once. You just have to deal with the aftermath of surviving the ordeal that has changed your entire life. And believe you me, getting up, going to sleep, being around people, being friends with people…


At this age, at my age when you cross the threshold and into the graying arms of adult life nothing’s real anymore. No one’s real anymore. It’s all reason-based. To fill the voids and the empty selves.  {Dont misunderstand me, I dont believe in pretentious friendships.} I have very few friends. However, I’m nice to…

A new chapter unfolds

And so it ends. The bad dream. Left an ugly part behind in that tainted house. Saturday eve we finally took a few belongings and left forever. In the end, trust me when love and respect is no longer served it is better to leave. Lest you suffer with every passing day. And that’s what…


No one visited her as she stepped in her final years.. But when they did visit her, it was too late and the headstone read “fuck off” :p #shortstory #headstone #grave #she #finalyears #fuckoff

Oh Slavery – I give in

#slavery #slave #recovery #rebirth It’s true taking steps is a lot easier than standing still. Couldn’t be more thankful for slaving 9 hours, 5 days a week. Oh but slavery is so much better for me right now. Not only does my job require constant learning but leaves me with very little time to spend…

– Palpable –

#wordoftheday #palpable #hatred #indifference #meaningisobvious “Indifference so palpable it pisses you off”

Struggling with your own memory is the worst thing ever!


#happiness #ephemeral #stay Albeit, ephemeral I’ll make it stay…

Coffee & smoke

#coffee #bitterness #cigarette #smoke #sleepy #bored I’m at work and I had a strongß cup of coffee. And the aftertaste is like “cigarette smoke”. At least I’m not sleepy anymore.